Do you know how much life sucks?
Life sucks alot!

Many ppl lately have been looking at me and saying "how can you act so nonchalont this whole time?"

My answer is simply that I'm a good actor.

Right now, on the inside, I want to tear everything to pieces, but on the outside, I'm just some big, goofy, guy ready for a big, goofy day.  In a way, it is a type of therapy.  I think this is similar to people screaming into pillows or going to batting cages.  If I can convince other people that I am happy, than perhaps I will in process convince myself that everything is ok.

Just so you know, one of my problems right now is that my parents have decided that they can control my life by not letting me start college until January just so I can pick up a scholarship, when I told them that I would work to pay off any loans that I would be taking.  But no, they have to be in charge of my future, so whatever

neway, like I said, don't look for any changes in my attitude becuase I'm through with that, it wouldn't be fair to everyone else, becuase it is senior year and everybody has tons of problems on their own to deal with.

Bring on the world.

Bring on the world.

Bring on the world.

Next topic...
Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position... such a heavy burden now to be the one.
I'll believe anything I told you, I have no luck with girls.

 anyways... just a little edit here:
You Gotta Make Her Know How It Feels...

yeah, I just got severely lied to for the first time in my life and I'll tell you that it was not cool...
fortunately, i'm cooking up some sweet revenge
the only downside to this is that it brings up old fears I have about how you never really know who your real friends are and who just can't wait to stab you in the back...
that really is the most depressing thing about it... I'm not hurt, if that was the plan then they failed, dissapointed is perhaps the better word.  I'm not going to let it affect me, because that is the same as letting them win but there is nothing sweeter than sweet revenge =P

GooD LucK WitH LifE

On the off chance that you will use it
I've seen fit to give you some advice
So beautiful is the Devil's music
He must have sung your entire life

I reached out my hand
But you had to run away
You've been so good to me
You probably didn't need it anyway

Steady captain, we'll make it through
The sky is dark and the water's rough
But this ship's built of sturdy wood
And this wind doesn't look so tough
Have the Devil sing to you
A ship of souls won't save your life
You will never reach these shore
I'm giving up on you tonight

Two of these passionate ends
One Devil's melody
One's a bitch and one's a friend
See how the Devil cries for me

I reached out my hand
But I knew you'd turn it away
I'll do my best to understand
I'll do my best to make you pay

Steady first mate I'll see it through
Cut the ropes and splinter the mast
Feel the death that is this storm
I need it to last
You'll never learn if you don't suffer
I've felt enough to throw the fight
And listening to the Devil's music
I'm giving up on you tonight

Do you want some part of me
More than I've already given
I don't need your sympathy
I know that I will keep on living

I reached out my hand
While you spat into my face
Why am I so damn forgiving
Why is trust so commonplace

Steady ropesman we'll pull through
There is no need to panic here
I've found a healing in this tempest
I've found some comfort in this fear
You're listening to the Devil's music
He made you say "I love you", right
Well, this ship has sunk, I'm treading water
I'm giving up on you tonight

Steady friend, we'll make it through
Just before our sanity's lost
These dark clouds will dissapate
Just as soon as she's paid the cost
The Devil's screaming through the air
I smile and know I'll be alright
I've endured the worst thing in my life but
I'm finally over you tonight

Steady bitch, you won't come here
I've outlasted the raging of your seas
My will is strong and my course is straight
I'm resting on my bloody knees
There is no remorse for what I've done
I've doused the flame but still need a light
Though I float aimlessly on these waters
I'm glad I'm over you tonight

Here I am
There is a giant open space
On this side of the void
Where I am stuck without your face
There you are
With your chin pulled up high
Did you think that I would bend?
Did you expect that I would cry?
There we go
On both sides of the void
I look toward you
But you look annoyed

Here with this void
I can't move toward you and not fall
Should I build a bridge or build a wall?
I want this to be easy, I need it to be good
I'm so destroyed
You have more power than you know
Should I stand or should I go?
Should we get involved if we could?

I'm gonna break these chains around my broken heart
You could have had it once, but you tore it all apart
I'm gonna throw your lying eyes over my left shoulder
I'm not gonna let you wear your crown
This time around

So,  U I L was a mixed bag of beans, there were some ups, and there were some lows, now that the whole experience is said and done, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy it.  I discovered a lot on the trip, even though I couldn't have gotten a lower place in my event.   I hope everybody had a good time and I look forward you seeing yall at school on monday (even though I don't actually look forward to the "school" part)

~Good Luck With Life

It's 1:30 in the morning
I'm just thinking about all the problems in my life
Hy heart rate soars and my stomach starts to sink
This roller coaster ride
I've been stuck on for at least the past six months
What feels good now is better on the brink

My world's a spicy blend
I'm not trusted by my parents but I get respect from my friends
And my future is something about I whcih I don't want to think
As if that weren't enough
I make just as many friends as I make foes
What feels good now is better on the brink

My light is getting dim
I haven't had a girlfriend in way over a year
I like to crave what I can't have almost as if as by instinct
But it's all good
Cause my life is free and I'm just not worried
What feels good now is better on the brink

You'll never know euphoria if you don't live on the edge
If you wanna feel the highs you must experience the lows
Sure the view is great but it is high atop the hedge
And you gotta hang on tight 'cause who can tell when the wind blows
These days the world moves so fast you'll probably miss it if you blink
If you think you'll get a thrill right now, you should try it from the brink

It's just 2 o'clock now
And I love not knowing where my day is gonna go
I'm feeling kinda thirsty so I reach for my drink
There's a new girl I like
I hope I get a chance to talk to her at school today
What feels good now is better on the brink

The things we do to the people that we love
The way we break if there's something in the way
Destroy the world that we took so long to make

they say that small changes can make a big difference
... so what about big changes?

Credulous at best your desire to believe in angels in the hearts of men.
Pull your head on out please and give a listen, shouldn't have to say it all again.
The universe is hostile, so impersonal.  Devour to survive.  So it is, so it's always been ...
We all feed on tragedy, it's like blood to a vampire
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies.  Much better you than I.

Sucks huh? I feel like after I finally get over all my problems (not solved, just got over) when now everyone else has all their problems to contend with.  I don't want to make decisions for anybody cause only they know themselves well enough to know what is best for them. 

Does it not seem like an unlikely theory that the earth's population is advancing toward equilibrium?  Maybe all this war and terrorism is just part of God's will to prevent us from overpopulating our own species into extinction.

So everyone please, please, please... good luck with life

I want to change this:

Juliet loves a bleed and the lust it commands
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo

I am in a position that I NEVER thought I would find myself in... this is hard, and I'm not sure how I'm gonna pull it off

Who are you to wave your finger, Ya must've been out your head

Jeeze, my own emotions have been betraying me lately, I know what is right... I know that it is through... I know that I should have moved on when I said I would.  The fact is that the poison that you are, is beyond attractive, it is incurable.  I am dying.  If not from one thing from another.  I am so old yet so young... and I hate how it feels.  The only viable solution to the equation, the only option that I have left, is to roll with the punches.  I must accept my now crippled life.  I must bite the bullet and face all the reprecusions of both my past actions, and the actions that I am about to undertake.  I know what I have to do now... I just don't know how to do it or where to start.  When I said that I was over you, I should have believed myself and moved on a lot quicker than I did.
I failed.
I always fail.
Sometimes I don't even no if this was all meant for me, I think that I may be living the wrong life, in the wrong body at the wrong place and at the wrong time.  I cannot die, but living isn't easy at this point either.
Help, somebody, if anyone exists... help... I don't like being cold.  I don't like being ugly.  I don't like being here.
How fast do you have to run to fly
How long does it take... from when you fall to when you die
Why do I feel like a fake... was this life even meant for me
Why do I feel so alone, when millions of people surround.
When I look at this from a distance
it is hard to miss the evidence
I must hold deep to my roots, and not let any of the bad get in.
My ribs feel much more like a cage
a prison containing my violent heart, not letting it escape
When the rain comes down upon me, and by rain, I mean all that it is that I have to do... my work, my life, my school, my relationships... why is it that I am better at helping other people solve their problems than solving my own.

LIFE WILL KNOCK ME DOWN!
BUT THAT IS NEVER ENOUGH

Pacem

ps. i know this is an old post, but i think it is more applicable now than when i wrote it half a year ago