WARNING:  This post contains "bumps in the night".  If you don't feel safe around bizarre nighttime noises and strange shadows, or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, please keep reading.

    It's totally dark in the house I have been staying in for the past week.  It is my girlfriend's house, and it is 300 miles from where I used to call my home.  She is asleep right now, as is the rest of the house, and presently, I am hearing all kinds of strange noises.  Now, her brother has actually yet to return home from a night at the local hookah bar (a place where I too, have spent many of my recent evenings) so I know reinforcements are still on the way... but until then, I must figure out how to handle all these noises happening around me.  Then I decided... it's time for another reference post.  In the past I have presented you with Eadie's Handy Voting Primer, Eadie's Defensive Driving Course, and of course, the ever-popular Eadie's Guide to Xangamon.  But tonight, I present to you, the long anticipated:

    Eadie's GHOSTBUSTING GUIDE

    As you are all aware, there are creatures and other things of a less than savory nature that live, dwell, abode, reside, inhabit, hole up, occupy, perch, and predominantly hang out underneath our beds, inside our closets, over our ceiling fans, and within our shoes.  These ghasts, creeps, sneaks, and ghosts are often the reason for us being kept awake at long hours eyeing the dark places in our rooms and jumping at every noise.  Fortunately, fearless Eadie is here to help resolve this dreadful issue.

    THE CONSCIENCE DEMON:

    The conscience demon, commonly depicted as Tall Man from the 70's horror classic Phantasm hovers over you while you sleep.  He watches.  He keeps watching.  He watches some more.  The thing with the conscience demon, is that you can't see him... but you know that he is watching.  He is watching and waiting... to kill you.  More likely than not, you don't really want to die.  Death can simply be avoided however by making the conscience demon go away.  This will involve getting up out of your bed (don't worry, this will startle the conscience demon and he will not attack), and then getting into your car and making your way to the local 7-11 and apologizing for stealing the snickers bar 4 weeks previously.  They will either forgive you or throw you in jail and the conscience demon will then leave you alone (hopefully Bubba will too).

    THE DARK CORNER MAN:

    He looks a lot like Pennywise from Steven King's It.  He IS there, and he is occupying those dark corners of your room that are just out of reach.  Fortunately, most of us are safe from the man lurking in the dark corner.  You only need to be worried in the even that you are made out of flesh and blood, in which case he will go on a blood-lusting rampage and feed upon your very veins.  The way to get rid of dark corner man is to install EXACTLY this many lights on your ceiling:

    BIG THING UNDER YOUR BED:

    This type of monster will eat you no matter what tactics you employ, there aren't as many of these out there... but the only way to combat them... is to get one of these:

    ...that will do the trick.  If you see a big snarly thing coming at you, just whip one of those bad boys out of your pocket and you'll be all set.

    Strange Nighttime Moans and Groans:

    Okay, this is the best one.  Strange nighttime moans and groans tend to have one commons source, and they are the least lethal of all your nighttime worries.  These will often occur when your sibling or roommate suddenly comes in around 11p.m. with his new girlfriend at his arm.  Everything will seem fine and you are just about to get to sleep, when all of a sudden you here rampant banging noises and bizarre moans emanating through the paper-thin walls.  Although no one really knows what it is that causes these poltergeist-esque occurrences, but the most surefire way to stop the sounds is to knock loudly on your buddy's door.

EDIT:  Due to a few complaints from high-ranking xangans, my music box will no longer auto-start.  Clicking on it will, however, allow my tunes to start jammin.

    Okay, I'm finally posting the answers to all the questions you asked me a few posts ago.  Fortunately, I don't have quite the following of Amandasbiggestfan, so this won't be too daunting.

StephanieMarie7891:  If given the opportunity to have dinner with anyone influential to history that has died, who would it be and why?

Pope John Paul II, that man was THE man.

qccan:  um...when did you last climb a tree?

it has probably been years.

I8it:  What is your quest?

thus begins the monty python jokes...  my ACTUAL quest at the moment, is to get a new job since I'm moving, and find a way to pay for everything, AND enroll into a new college.

October27:  Do you own or know any pets? If so, what do you think of them?

I have a Black Lab named Freedom... it's not racist, we weren't actually the ones that named it... anyways that dog is extremely fat and lazy, and kinda ugly for a lab too, but he's cool in my book, and I talk to him a lot.

    Hello all you deaf-eared subscribers to Eadie's blog.  MY NAME IS CERTAINLY NOT NORIMOTO, and I just wanted to tell you all how stupid you are for reading this guy's nonsense on a daily basis.  All Eadie ever posts on here is simple-minded political humor, satire that NOBODY understands, or retarded little jokes that only he gets.  This guy is full of crap and you shouldn't believe a word he says.  He is not funny, and I AM CERTAINLY NOT JEALOUS OF HIM FOR COPYING MY STYLE OF WRITING.  If you want to know who MY favorite xangan is... it is most deffinitely not Eadie.  Nobody should read his stuff, it only makes him think that he is entertaining people.  You all don't have to lie.  If you don't like it, PLEASE don't leave comments, don't star him, and deffinitely do not recommend him on the featured board.  He is full of himself and he thinks he is some kind of big shot blogger who "also has a life".  Let me tell you, he is NOT 18, that was just a big popularity hoax to get attention, aslo he does NOT really have a girlfriend.  Any pictures you may have ever seen, or that other xanga page amberthegreater is only his sister, who is just as retarded as he is, and is probably in on the act.  Eadie is really a fat 40 year old man who sits around all day in his underwear and watches kiddy-porn.  Are you tired of seeing this on xanga's front page all the time?  Then stand up and do something about it.  If you want to know MY favorite xangan, it is without a doubt amandasbiggestfan, that stuff she has is incredible, you know, real talk.  So everybody who is reading here, PLEASE STOP reading Eadie's blog right now.  It is stupid and unfunny, and it is NOT making me jealous.  Also, I am not going to tell you how I hacked into Eadie's account, but let's just say his password is pretty easy. 

    I'll catch you guys later, but certainly not on this page.

    So I haven't really been on long enough to read most of your posts or to respond to your comments and I'm terribly sorry.  Normally I do my best to read and reply to everything I can, but I have been quite busy latey in the real world.  See, I have lived in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 18 years of my life, and I am now preparing to change colleges and move to San Antonio within the next month.  So as you could guess, I have been a little busy lately.  I have decided however, that since I'm not arround to provide much interaction lately, (and I just KNOW you guys miss me so much) I'm going to do the AmandasBiggestFan's "Ask a Xangan" thing right now where YOU ALL CAN LEAVE A COMMENT ASKING ME ANYTHING YOU WANT.  And in a post this weekend, I will answer them all.  Do not be shy, ask anything, and I will answer it truthfully.  Here are some easy ones I can get out of the way now, so you can ask something else.

1)  My first name is Walter
2)  Eadie is my real last name
3)  It is pronounced "A-D"
4)  I am in fact 18 (not 35 as many of you seem to have thought)
5)  And yes, I have had my adnoids surgically removed.

    Anything else is fair game guys, ask away.

    And until next time, good luck with life.

    WARNING:  This post contains POLITICS coupled with an attempt at HUMOR.  If you have a general distaste for comedic social commentary, or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, please click here. (no, that is not a link to the Rick Roll'd page)

    In preparation for this post, I conducted a quick survey (via my pulses) to see how many of you believed that war was civilized.  Here are the results:

fullmetalbunny:  The Japanese word for war is the same as the word for chaos. Ran (rahn). In other words: no. Not civilized. (um, okay)
relaxolgy:  no but, it takes at least one civilazation to start a war (you misspelled civilization)
Pstar8705:  no
squeakysoul:  no.
silence_of_words:  no
hilton156:  no
Consenttotreatment:  no
Madoushi_Shoujo:  no.
fullmetalbunny:  What, no yes votes? I'm starting to feel sorry for poor war! Nobody likes it! (Um... you already answered)
cctexasray0957:  Eadie, If you mean moral then I have to say only if war is kept limited, by pursuing alternative ways to end the conflict.  (I'm taking that as a yes with a technicality)
FairyBunnyPrincess:  it can be, if you restrain your actions in war 2 what is necessary only, sometimes war is necessary for civilization 2 continue  (drawn out yes)
amberthegreater:  yes
RaVnR:  Certainly not; but I wonder what kind of responses you would have gotten 5 year ago?
justfinethanku:  NO
chesspieceface:  war is hell, but it can be civilized.  isn't that why there's all these rules of war?  (I'm asking the questions here... I'll take this as a yes)
JesusOfWatford:  War is only civil to those who start it.  (so... no then? or is that a yes too?)
autumnsfallingleaves:  No, but when was the last time you had a serious CIVILIZED argument? War is a serious argument between 2(+) countries.
awth44:  yes
October27:  No.
fullmetalbunny:  Was my answer disqualified because it wasn't simply no? Shoot.  (Um... no it wasn't)
Drakonskyr:  Yes! Very. There's crumpets and tea and polite lines everywhere.  (Okay, I'm gonna go with "no" on this one)
r3dcichlid:  Todays wars are mostly just political, with sneaky methods to destroy each other. Long ago in days of swords & shields, thats warfare.  (thanks for the info, so... no?)
Vlad_the_Impaler ... er... I mean... askdante:  no, but often necessary.....
Tenacious83:  (leeching off of Drakonskyr's sarcasm) Why yes, because we all know very well the opposing generals stop by each other's place for a cup of tea.  (pretty sure that's a no)
pnklace:  No. It's all about the greed.

    Okay, I got all sorts of different results.  The biggest and perhaps most important thing to draw from this survey of course, is that many people don't know how to follow directions.  I plainly asked for yes or no answers, and in some cases got history lessons (I'm not bitching, I'm just complaining... don't take offense). 

    Okay, that makes 5 "yes"'s and 18 "no"'s.  Meaning that 78% of you said "no" and 22% of you said "yes".  Well, seeing as how the majority is always right... that obviously means that 22% of you are stupid.

    Now that I have heard your opinion, I'm going to give you the correct opinion: mine.

    The Real Entry Starts Here:

    Argument that war is uncivilized:  Murder.  Yes, murder.  War kills people, murder is uncivilized.  War is skipping the hard, yet better way of solving the problem (peaceful negotiation) and jumping straight to the easy cut-to-the-chase method.  There is an old Greek legend of a ruler named Gordian who had an oxcart with a special knot tied on it.  It was said that whoever could undo this not would rule all of asia.  Of course, many people tried, yet were unable to untie the complicated knot.  Eventually, Alexander the Great came around (he just so happened to be seeking an omen at the time that would assure his troops of his eventual rise to power) and learned of this knot.  His solution?  Cut through the damn thing with a sword.  Problem solved.  It was the easy way, but in the end he just - wait... what's that? He got away with it?  You mean... there really isn't a lesson to be learned here?  Oh...

    Argument that war is civilized:  People just do it.  If somebody breaks into your house, you have the right to defend yourself.  It's not like we have randomly instigated barbaric warfare.  Rules and regulations such as the Geneva Convention dictate our actions and principles during war.  Besides, it's not like we never go to war for the wrong reasons...  Natural human behavior is to have an argument, confrontation, and often, result to more drastic means should the situation call for it.  If it is human, than surely it is civilized.

    My girlfriend said to me if you think peace is something that could actually work, as in real world peace, come up with a plan that would explain to me how that would work.  My original reaction wanted to be "well, one person can't simply create a successful world peace plan on their own, it would take the cumulative efforts of everyone in the world to actually make that happen."  Besides, I never said it was possible, I just said that it would ideally be the best situation.  But after further thought I decided, okay fine, I'll develop a plan for world peace right now.

My Plan For World Peace:

Until next time, good luck with life.

p.s.  I have no p.s. this time.

    Welcome back to the show.  To get us started today, I am going to feed you all a poem (yes, it's mine) that should tie in the rest of my post nicely.  (If you don't get the poem now, come back and read it again when you finish the rest of the post)

How can we as human kind
with ears so deaf and eyes so blind
walk so smooth through doors still closed
with life and death not juxtaposed

    Ok, so maybe that poem is never going to make sense.  Here's a post:

    Getting potty trained is that crucial time that we all go through, I mean everybody (this is the part where some wise-ass comes in and says they were never potty trained, they knew from birth).  During your potty training experience, we basically transcend from the realm of savagery and barbarianism and become humans.  We raise ourselves above every other species of animal at this point and thus the completeness of our humanity begins.

    Take this girl for example.  She is finally going through her training.  She is breaking free of the animalistic behavior that separates us from the rest of the beasts.  She just received her first real toilet.  She is excited about this big step as you can see from the look on her face.

    Sometimes, people like for their children to start training at a much younger age.

    Not too young of course, but they just want their children to be ready in the event that nature calls.  I mean, we don't want boys out there that don't know how to use their guns properly... EVERYBODY gets trained this way.

    Yes, such an important time in our lives when we learn to sperate ourselves from the human savagery that gives us the appearance of being mundane creatures.  Once we have been potty trained, we have nowhere to go but up, evolving ourselves constantly and becoming more and more as a civilized person, never to digress into the bowels of violent worldly behavior.

    Onward and upward...

    ...towards humanity.

    I am pretty sick of all these pathetic teenagers around here giving the rest of us pathetic teenagers a bad name.  A really, really, really bad name.  Not once, but twice yesterday I read on various comments that teenagers are holding xanga back.  Apparently, we are crowding the server with lame posts, desperate pleas for attention, and melancholy ramblings about our lives spoken as if we actually know what life is.  We are young, we are stupid, we have no real experience, we therefore need to stop acting like hotshots going around and sticking our noses where they don't belong and acting like we know what we are talking about.  Of course, in a year and a half, I will suddenly no longer fall into this category and then be cleared of all charges.  But until then, I should just keep my bigger yapper shut.

    Also, I apparently need to get a life, because I blog the way I do at my age, that obviously means that I don't have time to really do anything else, like live, make friends, be athletic, get smart, get wise, learn the ways of the world, anything like that.  After all, I have only lived through the creation of the cell phone, CD-Rom, Laptop, DVD, MP3 Player, HDTV, and skate-shoes.  I remember when Oregon Trail was the most exciting game ever (and quickly became able to beat it in about 45 minutes every time I played).  I only saw every piece of technology (with the exception of the toaster) go wireless.  I was only actually old enough to experience the September 11th attacks, the Oklahoma City Bombing, the war in Iraq (both of them).  I only watched Lance Armstrong win the tour de france (all 7 times).  I witnessed much of the works of John Paul II, and Mother Theresa and both of their deaths.  I was alive when the Berlin wall came down.  I saw the shuttle discover explode on T.V.  But I have no experience, no real knowledge of the world.

    My blogs do not inspire anyone.  They make no one laugh, they make no one think, they make no one respond, and they certainly don't make anybody learn.  I am just a teenager.

    I don't have a huge group of friends.  I'm not extremely proficient at every major sport.  I don't know how to take care of myself.  I don't know how to respect others.  I don't know how to behave in public.  I am a teenager.

    I am just a number in the growing stereotype of kids brainwashed by the internet and T.V.  If it doesn't show up on the History Channel, then I don't learn about it.  If something isn't pushed directly in front of my face, then I don't see it.  If you smile, I won't smile back.  If you cry, I will laugh.  If you laugh I won't care.  I am a teenager.

    I know nothing about being inspirational.  I know nothing about sticking up for myself.  I know nothing about being independent (my idea of being nonconformist is to slip in with all the other nonconformists who are just like me).  I cuss all the time.  I do drugs and have sex.  I kill time by breaking the law.  I have no life.  (Those are all the stereotypes anyway) I am a teenager.

    We need to get these teenagers off of xanga.  Wait until they are 20, then let them back on again.

    Because the number is all that matters.  I am 18, therefor I am just like every other 18 year old.  Once I turn 20, I will immediately become respected and will be magically made wiser about the world.  The number of the age is all that matters.  The number.  My number is 18.  I am a teenager.  I suck at blogging.  Don't listen to a word I say.  I am just a teenager.

    Recommend this post if you want all other teenagers like me temporarily banned from xanga!  (but more importantly if you get the point)

    Until next time, good luck with life.

    WARNING:  This post contains parrallels between a popular ice cream bar and sex.  If you don't feel comfortable handling this information, or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, please consult Dr. Phil before continuing.

    Okay, anybody can talk about Klondike Bars and be funny.  It is REALLY not hard, because Klondike Bars are in and of themselves, quite hilarious.  But would you expect them to be compared to the act of the naked pretzel?  Well, maybe, but I'm going to try to make you think and laugh anyway.

    How could just some simple vanilla ice cream wrapped in an equally simple chocolate shell become the epitome of frozen perfection?  Why would people shamelessly go to great lengths just to get their hands on it?  Why is sex so good?  Why would people shamelessly go to great lengths just to get their hands on it?  These questions and more answered in today's episode of... whatever it is people call this show ("The Greatest Show on Xanga" maybe)(or maybe I'm just being too full of myself)(prolly the latter)(maybe I should stop using these parenthesis)(isn't parenthesis such a funny word)(ok, I'm done)

    The Anatomy of a Klondike Bar:

  The price of this intricate clockwork?

  How about $1.05

  Perhaps the question shouldn't be "what would you do for a Klondike Bar?", but maybe "what would you do for $1.05?"

  What would I do for a Klondike bar?  I think I would probably do about 8.5 minutes at the local McDonald's.  I think I would sell about two glasses of lemonade on the street.  I think I would probably scrounge around my seat in my car.  I think I would do many, many, many things that do not require hard work and sacrafice.

   The Anatomy of Sex:

  Sex is when you take a bunch of birds, and magically mix them with a bunch of bees.  The cost of this is generally considered free.  (Although I'm really not quite sure how somebody is suppossed to acquire all of those animals for free)  Now, I don't know what is suppossed to be so great about mixing birds and bees together, but somehow, when you do, this happens:

  Why is everybody so crazy these days about making a stork holding a baby appear?  I don't know, but people have the tendancy to maime, slaughter, sell drugs, rape, con, sneak, and wrap a bag around Pamela Anderson's head just to get some of this stuff.  See the similarities to the afformentioned chocolately treat?  No?  Perhaps one must delve deeper then.

    Deeper (and harder, and faster)

    If you look beyond the fact the Klondike Bars and Sex are made of roughly the same thing (win and awesome), and the fact that people are willing to do the same things to get them (lie, cheat, steal).  Than you must noticed that the biggest similarity are that people try to do MORE THAN WHAT IS NESCESSARY to get them.  Sex is free and it comes without consequences; Klondikes don't cost too much more than free, and there really aren't any consequences to eating those either (other than some extra gerth... in both cases)(yes, I just used a semicolon correctly)  All you have to do is get them correctly.

Klondike Bar?  GO TO THE STORE
Sex?  GET MARRIED

    It's like getting the two best things in life guilt free!  It's like... having your cake, and eating it too!  It's like.... oh what I am saying, I'm not suppossed to be deep here.

For a Klondike bar:  I would stay 8 seconds on a world-class bull.

For sex:  I would pillage and loot.

   FINALLY! Letter-a-day (hardly) episode #15

   'O' Stands for OSTEOPEROSIS.  Why? Because today is a wonderful day for drinking milk.  Milk (often referred to as "cow-tit extract") can be found at your local grocery store or Braum's and is the sweetest thing you will ever taste coming out of a tit.  Important to note:  goat-tit milk, human-tit milk, and soy-tit(WTF) milk are NOT tasty.  If you drink lots of milk, it will keep your bones strong and you will decrease your chances of getting osteoperosis.

   O also stands for "ovary" which is where you mix the birds and the bees.

   That was a weird little post, I INTENTIONALLY did not make an April Fool's day post because I got sick of them pretty quickly and DEFFINITELY DID NOT AT ALL IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM GET RICK ROLL'D (PWND) BY TENACIOUS83!

   Until next time, good luck with life.

    Well, I got featured again, and that was cool.
    But I gotta let byegones be byegones.  (A million people will now tell me I spelled byegones wrong)

    Anyways, the following two screenshots were not edited in any way (other than cropping and resizing):

The Comment:

My Response:

    I don't think I need to explain my message behind those, it's pretty self-explanitory.  The point is, I gave them 1,000 eProps which makes it hilarious.

    Until next time, good luck with life.

    p.s. I am aware that this post is unlike anything I have ever done before, but I did it, and I don't regret it.

    Hey everybody, I want to start by thanking all the bloggamon I caught from my last post.  Some people may call me an attention whore (technically I am) but really and truly, I have this here because I love to entertain people, and the bigger my audiance, the more motivated I am to entertain.   Secondly, I am taking a break from comedy on this particular entry to post my submission to the Weekly Writer's Challenge.  I PROMISE the funny stuff will be back up as soon as tomorrow's post (I already have something in the works). 

    The prompt for the first Weekly Writer's Challenge is to write a complete story in only 50 words or less.  First of all, everybody note that I am NOT the moderator of the WWC, the official site of the WWC can be found here: http://www.xanga.com/weekly_writers_challenge

Here is my entry:

Elizabeth woke up that morning with the same old routine.  Complacence of the mundane filled her as she grabbed her coffee and pastry her husband had prepared for her earlier.  She got into her car and began her typical drive, and she never saw the oncoming bus slam into her.

Hope that was okay.  Hang with me everybody, I'll get the funny stuff back up tomorrow.

Until next time, good luck with life.