Get ready to laugh...

    So, I have noticed that the latest fad seems to be to create a post about how other people post (that, and splice "xanga" into every word in the english language).  Lots of behavioral posts are sprining up talking about xangans habbits, and how to whore comments, or cheat at stars, or various ways of getting popular or successful.  Well, I for one am sick of those types of posts.  Please do not expect me to sell out so shamelessly as they have.

    So for today's post, I will give you my own personal reference guide to one of today's post popular games:

    You read that right, Xangamon (with a weird 'G').  It is a popular game that is sweeping the internet lately.
    To play this game, you must simply create an account, and then explore the world of xanga and try to get every single member of xanga (collectively referred to as "bloggamons" courtesy silence_of_words) to subscribe to you.  Sometimes, this comes fairly easily, but other times, it can become quite the challenge.  This is why your good friend Eadie has created this guide to help you out on your epic journey to become a xangamon master, and get every bloggamon there is to subscribe to you!

    Chapter 1:  The Statuses (yes, that is spelled correctly):

    Asleep:  The oppossing bloggamon will fall asleep should your post be too boring.  Asleep bloggamons will never subscribe to you no matter how many eProp-a-balls you toss at them.
    Confused:  The oppossing bloggamon may become confused if they don't understand the post you are typing, or if your post is just plain retarded.  Sometimes you can still use an eProp-a-ball if you explain to them within the comment your post in a manner that provides clarification and yet still maintains the entertainment value of the post.
    Burned:  If you insult the oppossing bloggamon within your post, you strongly decrease the chances of them subscribing to you.  Be careful, it is possible to inflict the burn status upon the oppossing bloggamon accidentally.
    Frozen:  Frozen is an advanced form of confusion.  If you completely dumb-fuck the oppossing bloggamon to the point where they will no longer listen to what you say or will simply dispute any claims you have towards the logic of your rambling post.
    Poisoned:  This is done by somehow tricking the oppossing bloggamon into ingesting some form of toxin.  If this happens, the oppossing bloggamon will likely die and you will never see a post or get a comment from them again.
    ROFL'D:  This is a status that works in your favor.  If you can cause the oppossing bloggamon to ROFL, than you have a very good chance at capturing it.
    Genuine Heart-Felt Sympathy'D:  This is another potentially helpful status.  If you convinced the oppossing bloggamon to cry its little heart out, you may have earned yourself a special place in their life and they will remain a strong, loyal, little bloggamon for you forever.
    Agreeing Rage'D:  This is caused when you have convinced the target bloggamon to side with you on a very controversial subject.  The bloggamon will then leave comment attacks or posts vicariously through you, feeding off of your post and will usually contain large amounts of links to your site.  They will also likely click recommend on everything you type.  Causing the oppossing bloggamon to enter this status is very effective because not only will they subscribe to you, they may even serve to lure other unsuspecting bloggamon into your web with them.  Remember as soon as you see their footprints on your site, toss an eProp-a-ball.

    Chapter 2: Know Your Attacks:

    Pictures:
    All bloggamons are at least partially weak against decent pictures.  You must be cautious though, high levelled bloggamons that actually have aritistic skill or are decent photographers will not be impressed with lackluster performances.  Make sure that if you use photos or pictures, that you are at or above the level of the bloggamon you are trying to catch.  New and lower levelled bloggamons are EASILY attracted by this style of blogging because it is usually much shorter and easier to read.
    Pictures can however be affective against some bloggamons even if they are higher levelled than you as long as you use clever editing techniques.  I, for example, am quite limitted in my picture editing abilities because I use the attack "microsoft paint" to edit all my pictures.  Higher levelled bloggamons who use the attack "photoshop" and are on higher levels could easily capture me.
    Pictures are also sometimes used as a return attack to block the likelihood of you capturing the opposing bloggamon.  If you recieve a picture such as the following in your email box, than you are quite likely NOT going to capture that particular bloggamon:

    Humor:
    Humor is another particularly easy way to weaken opposing bloggamons.  Humor when used as a general use attack however, must be particularly dry.  If you attempt to use a form of humor that would more-likely-than-not stir things up, chances are that you will K.O. the oppossing bloggamon before you are able to toss an eProp-a-ball and get them to subscribe to you.  This would either be caused by the humor being too far over their head, or simply too offensive, or just too plain long for them to read in the first place.  Remember, if you make the oppossing bloggamon fall into one of the following status conditions, your eProp-a-ball will be less effective:  Asleep, Confused, Burned, Frozen, or Poisoned.
    This post that I am placing here is a dry form of generally accepted humor.  A quick read through this will not necessarily offend anybody too harshly.  Pile that on with the fact that this is a very common topic that many people can relate with, you have a pretty strong attack that will surely cause most bloggamons to ROFL.

    Other Literature (Prose/Poetry/Interjectory Posts)
    Using other forms of literature on your blog is not terribly effecient when trying to capture low-levelled bloggamons.  Oftentimes, these style of posts will inflict Sleep on the bloggamon and they will not subscribe to you.  However, this is the most effective way (and in some cases only way) to weaken high-levelled bloggamon and ultimately capture them.
    You will notice that only rarely do I attempt to use these forms of attacks (only when I have something very strong I wish to say).  Although you may think to yourself "so, he doesn't really wish to go after the rare and elusive bloggamons", this is not nescessarilly true.  I attempt to create my humor in a manner that is well written and clever enough to sink the hook on even the most legendary bloggamons.

    Chapter 3:  Types of Bloggamons:

    There are many different types of bloggamons for you to have to worry about.  But here is a quick run-down of the basics.

    Photomon:  These types of bloggamon only post or respond to photos.  Photos (and good ones at that) are therebye essential in their capture.
    Videomon:  Similar to photomons only dealing with videos.
    Clone-o-mon:  These bloggamons are useless and devoid of any value whatsoever.
    Funnymon:  These monsters post generally in humor and seek out other funnymon to compete with them and try to be funny.
    Propemon:  These bloggamons have no posts themselves and exist only to comment on other bloggamon's posts.  These bloggamons are ripe for the picking.
    Legendary Bloggamon:  This includes either members of the xangamon team or any other upper-echelon blog monster that will be very difficult to capture.
    Japanese Bloggamon:  These are downright IMPOSSIBLE for any bloggamon master with a QWERTY keyboard to capture.  You can't understand them, and they can't understand you.  Just give up.
    Jamaica-Mon:  I just had to throw that in there.

    Chapter 4:  eProp-a-balls:

    eProp-a-balls are given out by going to other bloggamons' pages and commenting and leaving eProps on their posts.  If a bloggamon visits your page and still averts capture, this is often an effective way to still capture them.

Basic eProp-a-ball:  Just visit there page and leave a comment saying "thanks for stopping bye" or "thanks for commenting"
Great eProp-a-ball:  Leave a comment saying "nice post".  Low levelled bloggamons will think you actually cared.
Super eProp-a-ball:  Actually read the post and leave a legitimate comment about it.
Master eProp-a-ball:  Read the post and think for a long time and actually develop a deep and philosophical comment about the post that truly inspires them and requires to search deep within themselves.  This is the only effective form of eProp-a-ball on legendary bloggamonsters.

   Well, that's all I got on that topic.

    Until next time, good luck with life.

    p.s.  You know this entry was badass, star it up!

    WARNING:  This post contains a subtle biblical referrence crossed with homosexuality.  If this offends you, or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, please consult Dr. Phil before continuing to read.

    So I was reclining in naught but my boxers and moose slippers in front of my laptop last night whilst sipping ice cold milk from a tall glass, fetched from a bottle located in my refrigerator while some ambient music wafted through the speakers to my right which were plugged into afformentioned laptop, along with no more and no less than six OTHER cords, when I came across the xanga page of a fellow who had just subscribed to me at which time I promptly decided to end this long run-on sentence.  Anyways, I then went to their xanga page as I do with all my new subscribers, and I noticed, that despite that he didn't have any readers that I could see, he had a challenge posted on it.  I am not one to turn down challenges, and also I enjoy keeping my readers entertained.  So for my new subscriber, grammarboy, this one's for you:

A man and woman are in an elevator together in a tall building. Using only dialogue, tell the story of their elevator ride.

   For the sake of this story, "****" indicates a period of time where no dialogue was spoken.

    Eve:  Hey, you're Adam right?
    Adam:  Yeah, and you are?
    Eve:  My name is Eve, I work one floor above you, I notice you sometimes getting off right before me, so I just thought I'd say hi.
    Adam:  Oh, well hello Eve, nice to meet you!

****

    Adam:  What the hell! It seems like the elevator has gotten jammed.  Damn, I had an important conference this morning and now I am going to be late.
    Eve:  Wow, well security will have noticed and I'm sure they'll get us out of here soon, besides, this will be excusable to your meeting.
    Adam:  You're probably right.

****

    Eve:  Well, it's been half an hour, I haven't even heard any sounds yet.
    Adam:  Yeah, I guess we could be stuck in here for a while, unfortanately my cell phone doesn't work inside this elevator.
    Eve:  Mine either.  So how long have you been working here for Condoms To Go's national headquarters?
    Adam:  Uh, just over 4 years now.  I must admit though, I have never actually used one of our products, haha.
    Eve:  Well, they say there's a first time for everything.
    Adam:  Uh... maybe.
    Eve:  Well, I personally think that they have an especially great feel to them.
    Adam:  Interesting.
    Eve:  You don't really talk much?
    Adam:  Actually, I'm just tired, I have a nighttime job too.
    Eve: Oh, wow, um, hey Adam, I thought I could go ahead and mention this now but the reason I tried to introduce myself to you earlier is that... well, you're one of the more attractive guys at this office and-
    Adam:  Eve, I'm gay.
    Eve:  Oh...

****

    Eve:  Well, it's been another two hours... hahahaha, we've been so busy with this awkward silence that time seems to have flown bye so quickly.  Wait, what was that, it sounded like a thud on the roof!
    Security Officer:  Hello, this is your very sexy, feminine, security officer, is anybody in this elevator?
    Eve:  Yes, we're in here, there is two of us, we're both alright!
    Security Officer:  Ok ma'am, I am currently on the top of the elevator, I jumped down to here from the floor above.
    Adam:  So you've come to rescue us?
    Security Officer:  Well that was my plan but I really have no idea what I'm doing sir.  Actually, I could just try to open this latch and...
    Eve:  Are you okay?  You just fell through that hole and landed on your nose!
    Security Officer:  Oww, I'll be alright.  Say, aren't you Adam?
    Adam:  Yes, now aren't you going to get us out of here?
    Security Officer:  Yeah, I just have to insert my key into this...
    Eve:  You don't have you're keys with you do you?
    Security Officer:  Hahaha, well...  Hey Adam, we may be stuck here for a few more hours, so I thought that I might take this time to tell you that-
    Adam:  I'm gay.
    Security Officer:  Oh...

****

    Eve:  Well, it's been an hour and a half and-
    Beth:  Ahhhhhhhhh!
    Security Officer:  Oh my God!!! Are you okay missy?  You just fell about four stories into this elevator shaft.
    Adam:  I think she's unconcious.  It's ok, I know CPR
    Beth:  Uhhh, everything's so hazy... where am I?
    Eve:  You are in a broken down elevator.  We've been stuck in here for awhile and the situation gets progressively more awkward.
    Beth:  Now I remember, my husband threw me down here because he caught me cheating on him with three other guys and a girl.
    Eve:  Wow.
    Beth:  Yeah, I can't believe he got so mad at me either!  I even told him I was sorry and everything.  But things are looking up for me already.  I was just saved by this angelic man who it looks like I'm going to be stuck in an elevator with for a while and-
    Adam:  I'm gay.
    Beth:  Oh...

****

    Security Officer:  Well, it has been another hour, we still haven't... wait what's that!
    Intercom:  This is an emergency evacuation drill.  All tennants must evacuate the building.  There has been a bomb threat.  Repeat, there has been a bomb threat.  Any tennants who do not comply will immediately be held suspect.
    Adam:  Shit.

****

    Male Cop:  This is the elevator where the suspects are hiding?
    Eve:  It sounds like there's some people talking outside!  Maybe we're gonna get out of here!
    Busty Female Cop:  Ok, what should we do?  They are probably quite armed and dangerous, should we take aggressive action?
    Male Cop:  Good point, use the blasting gells to open the elevator door, as soon as the doors open, innitiate fire!
    Eve:  This doesn't sound good...
    Busty Female Cop:  The gel has gone off the doors are opening!
    Male Cop:  Fire!

****

    Busty Female Cop:  I am so sorry about your friends, we had no idea you all were just innocents stuck in this elevator, we thought you were part of a terror cell.  It's a shame they died.
    Adam:  Well, I didn't really know them, but it was indeed scary.
    Busty Female Cop:  Oh, well you must have been the luckiest guy on earth getting stuck in there with all those beautiful women for many hours.
    Adam:  Eh, well, it didn't phase me that much, I survived by using that security officer's body as a shield.
    Male Cop:  Oh, that explains why the body is far more unrecognizable than the others.  The I.D. even got destroyed, and all her teeth have been shattered, so there's not going to be any way to positively identify that body.
    Adam:  Yeah, sorry about that, OUCH!
    Busty Female Cop:  Oh, I'm so sorry dear, I'll get this scratch taken care of.  I got some medicine in my car outside.
    Adam:  Scratch?  Ma'am, look, your bullets have torn my lower leg off.
    Busty Female Cop:  Oh, I'm so sorry, I just wish I could do something more to take care of you.  You're such a handsome-
    Adam:  I'm gay.
    Busty Female Cop:  Oh...  Well, officer Perkins, you and I better head back to the station, we've done all I can here.  I'll call the paramedics for this poor man.
    Male Cop:  Well, our shifts are up now, I think I'll just head to the bar.
    Busty Female Cop:  Well wait, I'll join you.  You know Perkins, I always did find you to be such a-
    Male Cop:  I'm gay.
    Adam:  Oh...

    Ok, so that was my story, and I kinda feel bad because I think it actually sucked, and got kindof repetitive quickly.

    Anyways, I'm sorry I've been skimping on my Letter-of-the-Day lately (which as really been anything but).  So I might as well ad it now (besides, this entry needs a picture)
   I would like to use this time to alert the world to the dangers of NECROPHILIA.  (Do not do a google search on that bye the way).  Necrophilia is bad, it is disgusting, and it is happening everywhere.  Fortunately, Benjamin Sinclair, an Ohio representative, has a new bill proposal that is set up to stop not only necrophilia, but it's ugly cousin occular penetration as well.

So there you have it.  Until next time, good luck with life.

p.s. To all the new subscribers I just got today:  don't unsubscribe just yet, not all my posts are this bad, that was just a harder prompt to work with then I originally suspected.

p.p.s.  grammarboy doesn't have too many readers, but he's got some good stuff on there, so dispite my horrible story, I am actually trying to ENDORSE his blog.

Please give this post one star, it sucked. 

And feel free to follow this link to a much more worthy entry to this contest: tater40

Wow, okay, so that was REALLY mushy.  Don't expect much more like that out of me.  I just didn't know what to do, so that came out.

The End.

Until next time, good luck with life.

"I know the pieces fit cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame, that doesn't mean I don't desire
To point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover COMMUNICATION"

                                -Tool

    Sorry if I quote Tool too much, that stuff really speaks to me though, but that's not why you're hear, so I won't linger on it.

    ANYWAYS, there was a time when people would log onto their internets through that little AOL login page.  We would all hear that sound that we eventually memorized and parodized and watched patiently (or otherwise) as a little yellow man made his way from one box to the other as we were told all the technical stuff that was going on while we were getting connected.  (End possible run-on sentence)  We were then told whether or not we had mail, if we did we checked it, if we didn't we pretty much got back off (or typed in the EXACT name of a predetermined website).  This was back in the day when we thought that you could pretty much type '.com' at the end of anything and there would be a webpage for it.  It was something that we all learned Al Gore created yet there was always one face associated with it.  Back in the day, we were learning about this man named Bill Gates who mysteriously became the richest man in the world through this "personal computer" business.  We were all on Windows 3.1 dragging and dropping like crazy.  All that mattered was that DOS was dead and we could see what we were doing.
    Fast forward several years and this happened:

   



    Nobody was really quite sure what to do with it, but it was amazing.  You typed something in it, and all of a sudden you had ALL the answers.  (more than you wanted often times).  Of course, unbeknownst to anybody, this small thing called 'Google' would one day grow up to actually BECOME the internet.  There was a day when Google was just a part of the internet.  But we have now seen the day when the internet has become part of Google.
    The interesting thing is, how not too long ago, this very thing was predicted in a classic 'B' movie that I am sure everyone has seen.  The classic movie "The Blob" was actually made about the website/all-consuming-entity known as Google.  They just simply didn't know what rediculously goofy name it was going to be called at the time.  Instead of reaching out to something entirely farfetched, they decided to go with "Blob".  The movie chronicles a blob that grew and grew.  It started off quite small and seemingly harmless, simply absorbing small things.  Eventually however, this blob got bigger, and bigger, and bigger.  It eats everything and everyone and seems completely unstoppable.  Finally, they discover they can beat it by covering it with liquid nitrogen, freezing it, and breaking it up and taking it away.
    Obviously, we must employ similar tactics if we are to survive as a human race and not be completely taken over by the growing internet hate machine with Google leading the way.  What is my proposition on destroying that which is threatening to erradicate all human life?  Simple, take all of our computers (which are now mere extensions of Google's long arms anyway) and douse them in liquid nitrogen .  It's fail-proof.

Okay, letter-of-the-day time.  Today, we look at 'M' my pupils.  Let's see what MAGNIFICIENT, MARVELOUS, MYSTERIES await us behind this letter:

MOO!!!!!!!

Sorry folks, that's all I got (I'm drawing a blank).

Until next time, good luck with life!

WARNING:  This post will contain GRAPHIC VIOLENCE.  If you do not feel you should be exposed to this, or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, please consult Dr. Phil before continuing to read.

    Well, I couldn't sleep (despite blaring death metal throughout my house) so here I am posting EARLY easter morning.

    Anyways, since everybody knows that death metal is the one and only cause for every single horrible act of violence ever committed by a teenager, I will now present to you a few pointers should you ever be blasting some Agent Steel, Bastardsword, Cannibal Corpse, Dying Fetus, or Inhuman Hatred and simply decide you had to go and slaughter an entire church full of hopeless souls that actually believe that there is some good left in this world.
    Now I am fully aware that by posting this I am leaving myself open to all kinds of suspicion.  After all, should one of my family members suddenly die tomorrow of "unexplained" causes, I would of course be investigated because I was so close.  Upon being investigated, they would discover that I could perhaps have motive because said family member MAY have "accidentally" punctured a hole in the side of a $250 snare drum on my set.  Now let's say they do indeed discover this motive and THEN find my stash of bloody gloves that I keep in my drawer at home for just such an occasion.  Now, this is all theorhetical, but let's say that they find said drawer of bloody gloves and ALSO find a bottle of chloroform, a recently cleaned knife, fingerprint-removal tape, a baseball bat, a katana, a chainsaw, and a revolver all inside of a box under my bed marked "personal stash".  This would possibly cause them to research me further, and then perhaps find my xanga site and discover that I have been recently telling people how to commit murder.  I would immediately be thrown in jail even though as all of YOU know, there is no possible way I could be guilty.
   "Why?" you ask "after that rediculous story would you not be guilty?"  I shall tell you my uninformed grasshoppers.  The detailed entry that I am about to post won't just tell you how to commit murder, it will tell you how to commit the PERFECT MURDER!!!
    That's correct, after you read the content I am about to give you, you will know exactly how cover your hands and feet as to not leave any traces.  You will be informed in the ways of sedating your victims so that they will not struggle by causing an alchohol induced coma.  You will be educated in how to take a ten inch blade and stab once down the chest directly over the heart to ensure the victim dies quickly in one stroke.  You will also learn how to cover any mess up RIGHT AWAY and then leave the scene of the crime without having ever been noticed (but not before standing there and watching the victim slowly, and yet unknowingly breathe the very last breath they will ever get to experience in their shortened life).  Yes that's right people.  ALL OF THESE SECRETS will be revealed now in the main context of this post.  This way, the next time you have Nun Slaughter pumping through your headphones, you will know exactly what to do.

    Well, there you have it ladies and germs: how to commit the PERFECT murder.  I hope you learned alot from today's lesson.

   And since you've missed it sooooo much, the letter-of-the-day is back.  I believe we left off with episode #12... L
Ok, this is very important, so I need you to LISTEN carefully.  What? that's it.  Yup.  Just listen.  People need to close their mouths and open their ears a little more.  There is so much stuff out there in the world to LEARN, but the fact of the matter is, that people are way too interested in clowning around and making no real accomplishments, that they truly fail to realize what's out there and often get stuck with what they think their version of reality is.  A friend of my dad's used to be a big hot-shot guitar player in Colorado.  He was well known in all the local clubs and taverns and even toured with some very successful bands there.  While he played there, he pretty much held sway over the music.  He played what HE wanted to play, the way HE wanted to play it, and he was of course very good at this.  Then he moved to Nashville Tennessee, music capitol of the world.  He realized what a big fish in a small pond he was back in Colorado.  If he had been busier listening instead of talking, he would have gained much more experience and been a better guitar player in whole.  So yup kids, that's today's moral.

~Until next time, good luck with

oh yes, and Happy Easter

    So, I heard that people "blog"

    'Tis true!  There seems to be several networks of communities on the internet that actually get together and post ridiculous stories, or sad tales about their lives for everyone to read and enjoy, or make fun of, or get emo about, or completely ignore.  Often times, these stories relate directly to the personal lives of the author of the blog.  Sometimes they set the stage for a heated or controversial topic about current events.  Some authors make their blogs humorous, while others try to sound terribly depressed or overdramatic.  The point is, how amazing it is that there are thousands of people in these communities that spend several hours a day reading other peoples' blogs or writing their own.

    These people are truly depressing.  They spend hours preparing their posts to try to drag in as many fans and subscribers as possible.  They pine and plea for high ratings so that more people will notice their posts, and then when they get popular, they act like they are on top of the world.

    Can you believe these people?  Some common examples of these sites include "xanga.com", "livejournal.com", the aptly named "blogger.com", and others.  Most of these posts are completely uninteresting and devoid of any actual useful facts.

   For example, a day or two ago I came across this article on the main page of "xanga" that was this satirical piece about the Mills/McCartney divorce case.  This article was actually written surprisingly well by a very decent blogger.  At first, as I was reading it I felt rather agitated.  I thought to myself "who does this person think he is?  Trying to make Mills out to be some kind of special person?"  So I immediately skipped to the bottom of the post and left a hate-filled comment for the poster.  Then, I actually finished reading the post, saw the error of my ways and felt really stupid, I left a comment again apologizing for my flaw.  I found that particular blogger to actually be very skilled in the way that he crafted that post, and I consider it one of the greatest posts I have ever read.

    But I simply cannot believe that people waste their lives on here.  Even this particular blogger seems to spend quite alot of time thinking about crafting intricate blogs and whoring attention from his readers.  If you ever come across his xanga site (http://www.xanga.com/eadie) I STRONGLY recommend dropping him a comment to tell him how pathetic he is and that he should get a life.

   In fact, any blogger you come across, you should do the same to.

   All these people blogging is just crazy and almost sickening, too much literacy going on around here and not enough action.

    Gimme five stars if you're with me!

    ~Until next time, good luck with life!

p.s. - since my new word became quite popular on my last post, i will maintain that tradition by developing a new word each time.  My new word today is "xangalebrity", something that I am NOT, so to all my new subscribers, know that I always comment back on comments that warrant responses, and that I actually read other peoples blogs unlike some of the more popular "xangalebreties" *cough*thetheologianscafe*cough*.  (with the exception of my featured post, because please 400 comments is kinda alot to respond to, I think I got about 100 of them back)

p.p.s. - title courtesy amandasbiggestfan

    What a way to further tarnish the Beatle's legacy then to come up with this most recent womanizing effort on Sir Paul McCartney's part.

    Last week, the trial of McCartney's divorce with Heather Mills came to a heartbreaking conclusion.  The final sentence was that the former Beatle would owe Mills 24.3 million pounds ($48.7 million) - less than a fifth of what she was asking for.  To think that Judge Hugh Bennett could be so cruel and heartless to bestow such a paltry sum on Mills after all of the HORRIBLE verbal abuse that she went through isn't just sad, it's completely unhumanitarianified.
    Judge Bennett's pathetic excuse for this heart wrenching sentence was that after Mills sacked her prior lawyers and represented herself was that "Overall, she was a less than impressive witness."  This is how we award out important sums of money these days, based on a person's skill at law?  If I am to murder somebody, am I going to get away with it as long as I condone myself more fashionably then the victim's family?  I would certainly hope this is not the case.
    McCartney is getting away with something awful here.  Perhaps a followup trial will suggest evidence that the knight was tipping off the judge to weaken the sentence.  He should at least consider their 4-year old daughter Beatrice to whom Paul is only going to pay $70,000 a year!  That's it, only 70,000.  How pathetic could McCartney get?  I mean, here in the U.S.A. we have doctors and lawyers who get paid more than that, so you're going to tell me that the trauma that you put your daughter through isn't worth at least a little more?  Sure, you have also agreed to pay for the daughter's schooling and nanny in addition to the seventyfold dollar salary, but that's common sense stuff anyways.  We all know that the daughter has to have a nanny while her mother is out doing important stuff like visiting the spa or getting her nails done, so you would have been satan himself to not agree to pay for that.  But you can do better than 70,000 Paul!
    On the flip side, let's consider how generous Mills has been about this whole case.  After firing her pathetic and evil lawyer Fiona Shackleton (Prince Charles' lawyer during his divorce from Princess Diana), who then became Paul's attorney in this same case, Mills went on to represent herself and saved an alleged $1.2 million.  This money Mills is quoted as saying is money "which could quite easily go to charity."  Isn't Mills such a great person?  Even in the midst of all this tragedy she is currently enduring, she has the heart to think about those less well-off then herself.
    For those of you who are unaware, McCartney is the one who originally filed for divorce after "unreasonable behavior" by Mills.  Paul's older daughter, Stella McCartney was remembered saying before the wedding began that she questioned Mills' motives for the marriage and that McCartney should have signed a prenuptial agreement before the marriage.  Based on this however, we can conclude that Stella was working with Paul to ensure that should Mills no longer be able to contend with the former Beatle's womanizing and wish for a divorce, that Paul would have to fork over even less.

    It is a cruel, cruel, world that we have apparently come to.  Maybe someday, people will understand that money really is everything, and we can look back on the tragedy befalling us here, as Heather Mills in currently being robbed, as but a stepping stone on a way to a perfect world full of endless lawsuits and money grubbers and gold-diggers.  Our hearts go out to you Heather Mills and daughter Beatrice.  We are not sure how the two of you will survive on such meager rations, but you will be in our thoughts and prayers.

 ~until next time, good luck with life.

    Well, happy St. Patrick's Day everybody.  In typical St. Patty's day fashion, today marks a day in which we get green, watch parades, and get drunk off our rockers.  Traditions are what keep holidays so special aren't they?  I mean especially when you take St. Pat's day into consideration, I do believe it is the only major holiday in which the actual tradition is to consume massive quantities of alchohol.  Of course, as is true with all traditions, this one can be traced all the way back to the first St. Patrick's Day.  The picture at right is clearly photographic evidence of the day St. Patrick made himself famous by driving the foreign beer into the seas and thus disproving the Irish King about peganism somehow so that Catholics would be alowed to continue their practices.  Since the people of Ireland were finally free of the German beer, they were able to kick back and enjoy nice dark glasses of Guinness.
    Yup, this is all very similar to how many of our holiday's traditions get started.  Just like how on the day that Jesus popped up out of his grave, a magical bunny appeared and started leaving eggs filled with candy everywhere, and how when Jesus was born everybody got presents except for him.
    Oh well, not like it really matters.  TONIGHT WE DRINK GREEN BEER!!!!!

sorry this entry was short and sucky
   

    WARNING:  This post contains POLITICS.  If you feel you are offended by such posts or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, please consult Dr. Phil before continuing to read.

    How to vote in the upcoming 2008 elections:

    Step 1: Read my handy candidate voting primer below.
    Step 2: Know absolutely nothing about government or anything else.
    Step 3: Close your eyes and push a button.
    Step 3 (alternate): Choose the candidate that used the words "constitution"
               or "change" the least during their campaign.
    Step 4: Walk away feeling accomplished.

    Eadie's Handy Voting Primer:

   Section I:  Get to know how the system works.

   Every good Amercan citizen, and more importantly, every voter, should know how the voting system works.  The age-old addage is that "your vote counts".  Actually, this is only partially true.  Your vote indeed does count, but not for electing the next president.  Your vote is only useful to a select and secret group of people called the electoral college.  This group is so elite that not even their own families know who they are.  Sure they have "public" names and faces, but those are only dopplegangers, the actual members remain anonymous.  However, it is very easy to spot one of these members by associating them with the picture at right.  Anyways, the members of this college get together on the night the votes are tallied and tune in to CNN just like everyone else in the world.  Then, after enjoying a nice cup of tea, they all get together and (with some small influence by the popular vote, i.e.: YOUR vote) they decide who they think the next president should be.  The members of this group are neither Democrats nor G.O.P., instead, they consist entirely of members of the Green party (they never pick Raph Nader because that would be too obvious if all of a sudden he was president.)  This information is absolutely crucial because this means that writing in Ron Paul on the ballot will be absolutely useless and just a waste of a vote.  The winner is usually whoever tips off this college the most.

    Section II:  If you still want to vote.

    Here is a handy guide to each of the three strongest candidates.  This guide is COMPLETELY unbiased and keeps only the best interests of the American public in mind.

    Barack Hussein Obama, Jr

    Obama has only been an influential political figure since 2003.  There are really only two important peices of information about Barack, he is black, and he is the anti-christ.  He was born of a Kenyan father and an American mother.  I will now offer proof to my two previous claims.  (And what's with him always having his sleeves rolled up?  Is that supposed to increase his image as a "humanitarian" or something?)
    Claim one: Obama is black.  The evidence is simple, look at hisself!  (I should point out however that in the fashion of Tiger Woods and Wayne Brady, serious arguments can be made to disbute Obama's blackness... but that's a whole nother story)
    Claim two: Obama is the anti-christ.  The evidence requires more delving, but it is deffinitely there.  Firstly, the anti-christ is going to be a political figure.  Ok, so you can say that about any candidate, but I just wanted to get it out of the way first.  Secondly, he will be VERY well liked.  Barack is spitting proof of this.  Even those who opose him aknowledge his electric personality and his way with words.  Sadly though, they fail to see that he is far and away the least experienced of the current candidates.  Most importantly though, the anti-christ is suppossed to emerge from the Catholic church.  Although exact details of his mother's religious background are hazy, it is clear that she was raised a heavy Christian but gradually grew to an athiest standpoint.  Perfect fodder for doing the devil's bidding.  Therefore, a vote for Obama is a vote for satan.

    Hillary Rodham Clinton

    WARNING:  This blurb contains PMS!!!!!!!  If you are uncapable of handling this, or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, please consult Dr. Phil before continuing to read.
    Hillary Clinton is wife to former president William Jefferson Clinton (a.k.a. the first black president).  During this time she was paid decent sums of money by her husband to stay with her and not get pissed off that he had hot and heavy sex with Monica Lewinsky.  This is indicative of her ability to accept bribes which could be a useful presidential tool.  Clinton first came into political activity in the early 1980's.  The most important information pertaining to the election however, is that she is a woman.
    Evidence to support claim that she is a woman pretty much starts and ends with the fact that she has the tendancy to get very cranky once a month.  This of course, could pose a major problem if she gets on the phone at the wrong time with the wrong person claiming to have WMD's (this is based on her famous inquirery "Who do YOU want answering the phone at the White House at 3-o'clock in the morning?"  Which as we all know is bumpkiss because there is no way that we could call the White House at 3a.m. and expect to get her to answer.)
   Everybody knows Hillary belongs in a long skirt, with mittens on her hands, in front of a hot stove.  NOT answering phones at the White House at 3a.m. when a competent person would be sleeping.  Simply put, a vote for Hillary is a vote for Bill Clinton (whom we all know would be in complete control of her).
    Alternatively, another way to look at this is that our presidential lineup for the last few terms would look like this:  Bush, Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush, Clinton.  Meaning that for 20 YEARS only 2 different families would have been in charge of our nation, and that folks, is scary as hell.  Meaning that lastly, a vote for Hillary is ALSO a vote for the devil.

    John Sidney McCain III

    McCain can easily be considered the most experienced of the three candidates.  Getting heavily involved with politics (by becomming Arizona governor) in the early 80's he has been a poweful figure ever since.  McCain is known as a war-mongerer and is questionably suspect to performance-enhancing drugs as evidenced by the tell-tail oddly shaped jaws that look like they could crush an elephant.
    McCain might have been considered a shoe-in for presidency had it not been for his completely unflinching thirst for war.  He tends to see no harm in relentlessly bombing the hell out of sandy countries until they are reduced to... er... sand.  McCain is also the only of the three of these candidates to have had a prior running at presidency (in 2000), in an attempt to replace Bill Clinton.  He has not ran recently due to complete and unfledging support for George Dubya Bush.
    Many people have the belief that the war that McCain so strongly supports is an unjustified waste of human lives and therefor is best described as evil.  A vote for McCain is also a vote for the devil.

    Section III: Conclusion

   So, as you can see, in the election of '08, the devil is almost deffinitely going to win so it doesn't really matter who you are going to vote for.  It can be stated that McCain has used the word "change" least amoung the three candidates, which actually might be quite refreshing, although he basically has adopted the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" mantra that many people aren't to fly on.  Obama or Clinton, however seem to have the more likely shot at reaching presidency at this point simply because people have a general disdain for republicans at the momment.  It can be also stated however that these two candidates also share the "most likely to be the next president to get assassinated" award, although Obama may have the slight edge due to the fact he is a minority AND the anti-christ.  The KKK isn't going to like that.
    So strap yourselves in everybody, it looks like we will all be answering to Beelzebub himself for at least the next 4 years!

Until next time, good luck with life.

First off, I would like to give an overdue welcome to my new subscribers and frequent visitors.  Thank you for reading, and I'll try not to bore y'all too much.  Secondly, I feel it nescessary to add that if you are viewing my site in Netscape, Firefox, Safari *shudders*, or probably any other browser than Internet Explorer, than you are NOT seeing my site properly, so if you use a different browser that is also experiencing difficulties, please let me know so that I can point and laugh at you for my inibility to fix your problem.  Basically, if everything looks out of whack, or pictures never show up, or music doesn't play, or if you are continuously redirected to pornography, or if cabage patch kids attack your CPU, than there is probably something wrong with the browser compatibility with my page.  (Just kidding about the redirecting to porn part, if that happens, its probably on purpose)  Unfortunately, I don't have a quick fix to the solution and I know that most of you would rather simply ignore my site than go to the trouble to open it in a seperate browser, so dispite the fact that I truly love my layout and spent many hours working on it, I may regress to a more standard layout to suit the greater need of the public.

**entry paused while I take restroom break**

Ok, I'm back

Anyways, the reason I felt obligated to post at this time of the night... er, morning... was because THIS IS AN EMERGENCY POST!!!
I am posting here because I just recieved a note from one of my anonymous field correspondants that Micheal Moore is threatening to create another psuedo-intellegent documentary about me and make me out to look like a complete idiot to the world by exposing my every flaw just like he does to every other self-proclaimed genius who scorns what he believes should be the ideal democracy.  The reason he of course is preparing to do this is because of my recent post that blasted him as being a clumsy, fat, oaf of a role model.  I feel I must offer Mr. Moore my most sincere apologies and BEG that he not impose his unfunny humor tactics on me in the form of some medium that will be popular enough that everyone will hear about it and totally agree with it, even though only a small percentage of people in the world will actually have seen it.  So I must pull out my previous imagery of him that I had edited, and re-edit it to make it more, um, correct.

There you go Mr. Moore, consider this an apology.  Please do not blackball me infront of everyone.  I will be a good boy and never cheat on my taxes again.  I will not have sexual relations with that woman, and I promise that although I put the blunt up to my mouth, I DID NOT INHALE.  I will stop playing with my toy soldiers in my sandbox.  I know WMD's are not real, I was only doing it for the lulz, and I will at least try to pretend that I care about all the soldiers and innocents that have died as a result of my actions.  So please, god of all political documentaries, pity me, your humble servant.

**END OF EMERGENCY POST**

Um, I will cover the letter 'K' in my next entry, I'm too tired to come up with anything for that right now (although I do already know what my word for it is going to be) so my letter-a-day series will continue next time.

Speaking of next time, until it gets here... "GOOD LUCK WITH LIFE" (c)(r)(tm)(lolwtfbbq)