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  • Victory parade more important than actual game.

     

        Okay, before you think “this cracker’s crazy”, hear me out.  First off, you must consider something, unless you live in Arizona or Pittsburgh, your interest for the Super Bowl was probably at an all time minimum.  After one of the most anticlimactic seasons in recent history my degree of give-a-fuck-itude was at an all time low starting at well around the beginning of the post season.  Sure, all you Eagles fans will beg to differ because of Philly’s barely-made-it-by-the-string-on-their-thongs season, but did they survive the playoffs?  Uh-uh.  Maybe I don’t watch enough tv, but this definitely seemed like one of the least talked about (at least before the game started) super bowls of the past many winters. 

        Now don’t get me wrong, from what I’ve heard the game was ballin’.  Something about the Steelers owning Arizona’s face and then Arizona cried for mommy in the last few seconds and mommy just kinda bitch slapped them.  Yeah, that’s pretty exciting, but the point I am aiming for somewhere in this mess transcends the actual excitement of the game no matter who is playing or how close it was.  Frankly, if it had been a Patriots vs. Cowboys game (the two NFL teams with the largest fan-bases) that ended in triple overtime, my stance would hold.

        The reason that I say that the victory parade is more important than the actual brouhaha itself, takes on a more political viewpoint.  In order to properly present this case however, I will explain my position through the use of an example.  Let’s say Detroit (the town with the worst economy out of all the major cities in the U.S.) were to win the Super Bowl next year.  Now that you have finished laughing at the prospects of the league’s first 0-16 team turning around and winning the big game in 12 months time, consider what that would mean for the city.  First of all, obviously a huge (albeit extremely temporary) economic surge would take place.  Shops and restaurants and hotels would be teaming with business and a breath of fresh air would be breathed (gr?) in that extremely polluted populous.  Secondly, everybody on the national stage would see that the city still has spirit, it knows how to celebrate, and nation wide, it would be seen at least for a brief moment as a town of life and excitement instead of a coffee stain on the national map.  Sure, it wouldn’t convince everybody to up and move to detroit, but think if they throw a really shitty party, it could have an even greater negative connotation.  Lets say that motor city would decide to throw the least happenin’ party of the year.  The nation would be exposed to just how deeply they have fallen into despair to the point where a Katrina-esque population shift could occur driving citizens into cities of greater hope.

        Whichever team wins the super bowl gets bragging rights for about 10 months out of the year, but when postseason hits next time around, if that team is even in the playoffs, everybody is on a level field and nothing else really matters.  In this case, the trophy represents what they did, not what they can do.  Therefore a solid case can be set up that the after-party can leave much stronger lasting affects (either good or bad) than the big game.

        Besides, Nadal vs. Federer was way more exciting.

     

        Until next time, good luck with life

        Days since last day off:                              14
        Days since last trip to gym:                           2
        Days since last energy drink:                        4
        Days this year that life’s been good to me:    34

     

        p.s. I love Amber

  • Abortion

    Those of you who have read me for a while already know that I have a habit touching peoples nerves in different ways (not all of them bad) and generally making a mess of things. But recently, after several interesting conversations with people, and this topic coming up more than a few times in the most recent election, I have decided that I want to say something about it. First off, let me say that THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A BIG LONG ANTI-ABORTION RANT. Those aren’t nescessary and don’t really seem to convince anybody one way or the other about the touchy subject, but there is one thing that I would like to take the time to make perfectly clear.

    ABORTION HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WOMEN’S RIGHTS!!!

    To even go as far as to think that it does is ultimate selfishness. The question of abortion stems 100% on whether or not you think that an unborn baby is a living human or not. And if you do, then it also extends to whether or not you feel that the baby’s life is worth taking (you sick fuck). It is fair and in good taste to engage in educated and civil discussions about abortions legality based on these facts, but to say that it is an issue of womens rights goes beyond ignorance, to the extent of thinking that women have more say in the matter of a child’s life than God.
    What reason would I have to say this? To put it simply, if somebody where to consider abortion as a matter of women’s rights, that is no different than saying, “okay, I acknowledge that abortion actually kills babies, but it should be up to the mother to decide if the baby should live.” This manner of thinking is conceptually devoid of logic and based solely on whether or not the mother wants this burden.

    Here, let me lift that “burden” off of your shoulders.
    womens rights

    Until next time, good luck with life.

  • My Uninvited 2 Cents.

    To start off, I’d like to say, I know it’s been a while since I posted here, but what the hell happened to my text editor? Does Xanga not allow us to bold or underline text anymore or does Google Chrome just somehow not support having these features?

    Well, since Oscar time is deffinitely rolling around, I see no reason not to toss in my own opinion into the matter. Now obviously, I didn’t see a lot of the so called “big contenders” at the box office this year, nor did I really intend to. Movies like Doubt, Revolutionary Road, and the Changeling didn’t really strike me as being under the realm of my forte. But I can offer my breakdown of the films that I did see and give you my “everyone’s a critic these days” reviews.

    Most Genuinely Exciting Movie: Journey to the Center of the Earth: 3D

    journey
    The reason I am starting with this category is that it may be considered the most unnecessary, and to avoid anything anti climatic, I wanted to get it out of the way first. Now, this movie is decidedly gimmicky, and if you go into it expecting anything else, prepare to be disappointed. But being armed with this knowledge, you can take this movie as more of a thrill ride then an actual cinematic experience. There is nothing remarkable about the story by any means, or the acting either (though Brandon Frasier may not be the greatest actor in the world, his timing on one-liners is impeccable) but the action scenes seem genuine and comedic at the same time all while being immersed in a visually stunning, completely original environment filled to the brim with all the gimmicky special effects you could hope for. I don’t know how the 3D-ness would work on your home theater, but if you saw this one on the silver screen, I’m sure you came out of it completely satisfied. Please note though, against my assumptions going into this movie, it is NOT a remake of the original. The storyline is actually a little different than the original movie, and in fact this could almost even be played off as a sequel.

    Worst Movie: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

    sisterhood
    Moving right along, after an upbeat, should follow a down beat. Now obviously, all you ladies out there are going to accuse me of being overly judgmental seeing as how I am a guy and I fall well beyond the target audience of this movie. Truth be told, the only reason I saw this movie is because my and my lovely lady had just gotten out of a different movie, and this one was just starting and she decided it couldn’t hurt to see it. Oh how glad I am that we didn’t pay for this. Ladies and gentlemen, even for a chick flick this one is bad. Nowhere throughout this unnecessarily long feature will you find anything that comes close to resembling decent acting, storytelling, or even directing. I can’t think of a time that I have ever felt more unattached to a movie. If the book was anything as mundane as the movie was, I am surprised it even got this popular to begin with. Guys, this one isn’t even worth watching on HBO during a cheap date. Your time will be much better spent counting the number of grass blades in your back yard.

    Most Overrated Movie: Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist

    nickandnorah
    You probably don’t want to read to downer reviews in a row, and if thats the case, feel free to skip to the next review and then come back to this one. I did not truly know what to expect going into this movie. With a truly ambiguous marketing campaign, and Michael Cera seemingly stuck on the same character since Superbad (which leads me to believe that he is not actually acting and that we are seeing his true self on screen) you can imagine that I wasn’t going in with high expectations. Of course, to say that this movie completely sucked and was devoid of worth would not be completely correct. I can safely say that I recall chuckling a few times and may possibly never forget the greatest band name of all time (no, not Where’s Fluffy, you know which one I’m talking about). Other than the occasional redeeming moment, this movie caused me to feel nothing but awkward the entire length of its running time. While many may argue that that was its intended purpose, this is not what I go to see a movie for.

    Most Underrated Movie: Speed Racer

    speed racer
    How this movie fell completely by the wayside this year truly escapes me. Deliciously stylish, brutally beautiful, expertly told, and smartly acted, this movie left nothing to be desired. Even having never watched the original anime show (which I have been told the movie was incredibly true to) I came into this movie very excited based off of the trailers alone. When I went in though, I was expecting an action romp with the sole purpose of milking a license, not a full-scale cinematic experience. When my eyes weren’t busy popping out of their sockets, I found myself truly absorbed into the story and completely blown away by the incredibly fast pacing. Also, if the Academy ever decides on a category for best monologues, this film could have received every single nomination. The only thing left was to somehow make the climax more exciting then the rest of the movie, which at times seemed like it couldn’t have been possible, until you actually get to the ending which will simply take your breath away.

    Best Cast: The Dark Knight

    dark knight 1
    When you look down a roster and see a cast that could just as easily do Shakespeare as make a crime drama, you know you’re in for a treat. Christian Bale, while not as good as his Oscar-snubbed performance in 3:10 to Yuma, shines on all sides of Bruce Wayne’s character, for once capturing in a “hero movie” a dramatic side not often seen (while many would argue that his voice work on the caped crusader is annoying, I find it not without purpose). Obviously Ledger did a jaw-dropping performance as the Joker, never once breaking character and always truly hiding behind the make-up in more ways then one. But honestly, I feel that the most underrated performance came from Aaron Eckart who was able to so smoothly transition from upbeat and like-able, to downright scary, seemed nothing short of completely legitimate. Gary Oldman was also brilliant in his role, especially in the finale when his and his families lives were on the line. Lastly, Morgan Freeman and Michael Cane despite being in comparably smaller roles go beyond simply cashing a paycheck and really make their characters their own.

    Best Actress: Zooey Deschanel (Yes, Man)

    yes man
    Maybe you could say that at no point this year did I see any truly remarkable female performances, or maybe you could say that Zooey Deschanel really seemed to dig deep into several emotions to create many of her scenes. Either way you slice it, Deschanel was the perfect fit for her role in this very funny, yet very moving film. Honestly, if at any times it seemed like the romantic chemistry wasn’t there, the blame would have had to be placed on Jim Carey instead. Zooey Deschanel was the perfect leading lady for one of the funniest, most lovable movies of the year.

    Best Actor: Shia LaBeouf (Eagle Eye)

    eagle eye
    One of the most love’em or hate’em actors out there right now, Shia LaBeouf has come a very long way from Even Stevens. But even his biggest hataz can’t deny the skill and, dare I say, craftsmanship that went into his character in this movie. The opening scenes in which he mourns the loss of his twin brother were truly memorable, and he never lets up. In fact, all though much of the action scenes are smartly played, it is safe to say that the rest of this movie is almost completely held intact by his performance. Of course, if Disturbia didn’t get him Oscar attention, this one certainly won’t either, but I don’t think it will be long before we hear awards buzz surrounding this still very young actor who has plenty of room to grow from an already incredibly solid foundation.

    Best Picture: The Dark Knight

    the dark knight 2
    No, I’m not just giving into the hype, like I said, I haven’t seen all of the top contenders out right now and The Dark Knight truly was the best movie I saw this year, and perhaps in several years even. Going beyond what people would call a superhero movie, this film could best be described as an action packed crime drama. Although I didn’t get to see it in IMAX, like I did Eagle Eye, I still feel that I was able to fully understand the grandeur of if not proven to be the “best”, truly the most important movie of the year.

    Now that that is all said and done, I will leave you with this sad little tape I found whilst lurking around to make this entry.
    LINK!!!

    Until next time, good luck with life.

  • Going Both Ways

     

        Damn me and my over-active imagination.  (Wouldn’t that technically be: “Damn my over-active imagination and I”?)  Irrelevance.  The reason I am choosing to proclaim this seemingly self-destructive proclamation, I shall now explain to you.  I was with the female at the mall a while ago (when I say mall, I am referring to this place called La Cantera which I do believe is Spanish for unbelievably high-priced shopping center) when she decided we would go into a store called Fredericks of Hollywood to buy some unbelievably high priced underwear.  Well, seeing as how there was nothing in this store for me to peruse and purchase, I found myself faced with the arduous task of people-watching.  Women floated in and out of these unbelievably high priced changing rooms making unbelievably high priced comments about the garments they were trying on, but one trend I noticed struck me as terribly odd.  These women were actually physically examining the garments on eachother and making some truly remarkable remarks.
    “Oh, that is so you!”
    “It doesn’t feel right here, you need some more lift”
    “I like the way this is making your angels show”
        You are probably wondering what is so incredibly remarkable about these comments.  Well, look at it from my point of view.  I am a very testerone filled male member of the human race.  If for whatever ungodly reason, I would decide to walk into an unbelievably high priced store where all they sold were unbelievably high priced boxers and briefs, I would have to remove my glove, set down my man-purse, and bitch slap the first attendant that came up to me and said “may I help you fit into something sir?”.  There are some things that just can’t happen.  Basically, there is no reason for any heterosexual male to make ANY comments whatsover about the chosen undergarments of any other heterosexual male unless it lies squarely along the lines of making fun of them for wearing tighty-whities.

     

        *Sigh* I’ve lost practice here.  I originally intended for this to be chalk full of unscrupulous pictures that would simultaneously gross you out and cause you to laugh, and it also seemed like I had a few more points to bring across, but I had been putting off posting here for far to long and decided to employ the ancient art of “fuck it” and just half-assed some paragraphs up here, but I guess I’ll just try to gradually get back to the level that I was before (however sad it may be)

        Until next time, good luck with life.

     

    RANDOM WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE TITLE OF THE DAY:
    William Cowper Prime

     

     


  • Sup fools.

    I plan on being back soon… really this time.

  • The “I don’t subscribe to any label” label

     

        The other day, we watched the abysmally weird and dissapointing film “Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist” simply because there was no better movie to watch at the time.  At some point during this movie, the character Nick delivered the only line from the flick that I can actually remember.  “I don’t subscribe to any label.”  It wasn’t that the line itself was memorable.  Hell, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that, I’d be spending my time lounging around, writing half-ass scripts like that one and getting paid big bucks to do it.  But this post is not for the purpose of providing a review of the movie (although, I assure you, it wasn’t good).  Instead I am here to explain to you how I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I hear somebody say a phrase along those lines.  Little do they realize, they are immediately sliding themselves into a group.  First of all, it would take me only five seconds to determine that Nick was a straight-edge indie kid.  There is no escaping that.  But even deeper than this, is the fact that the people that file this claim are doing it because they somehow think that that is going to make them cooler, or even better or above everyone else.  And let me tell you kiddies, the momment you think that something you say automatically makes you cooler that other people, is the momment you fall rather permanently from that pedistal.

        Until next time, good luck with life.

  • Click here, I am unique and original and I go to high school.

     

        Thank you for coming to my sight, I like puppies and I play the acoustic guitar, doesn’t that sound romantic?

        Yeah, I am pretty original, I have thoughts and ideas like nobody else.  Yet somehow, my life is a sob story.

     

        My advice, grow a freakin’ nut sack.  I’m sorry, but the fact of the matter is, that in order to be original these days, you have to claim no part in it.  Somehow, somewhere, the term “originality” got distorted into a level of psuedo-conformity that only a toddler from Baby Geniuses could understand.  Since when did writing the same exact crap as everybody else make you a creative individual?

        There are ways to attention whore, don’t get me wrong, hell, you could title one of your posts “Scrotal Sac” and I garauntee you will get attention, but is it really what you are looking for?

        Maybe I just haven’t woken up all the way yet, but does TheTheologiansCafe SERIOUSLY have the most interesting looking Xanga Plug right now?  We all know he’s the king of originality.  When desperation for attention shifts from producing quality to standing on a street corner wearing the trashiest clothes possilble and singing Yankee Doodle Dandy becomes the ticket to success, sign me up, because damn that’d be an easy way out.  I mean, heaven forbid we actually make an effort to be something important.

        There are only two ways to get anywhere in today’s world. 
               1) Be damn good at what you do, and I mean SO DAMN GOOD at what you do, that so high will be your way you could only be missed by those who’s eyes are upon the ground to begin with.
               2) Kiss more ass than a Thai hooker.

     

        Until next time, good luck with life.

  • Male Anatomy Part I: The Scrotal Sac

     

       Okay, not really, but it made you click here right?

        Interestingly enough, most of you probably have no interest in even reading anything about a scrotal sac, but you simply came here simply to find out if I was really going to display a picture of somebody’s testicles.  Who do you think I am, Jamie?  At least I made a point.

        Until next time, good luck with life.

     

     

  • But more importantly, why?

     

        Ghetto.

        This is a word that is becoming more and more popular among certain cultures.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not tryin’ to be frontin’ here, but sure somebody out there has done the research by now.  Does anybody know where that word really came from? 

     ghetto

       Based on this information alone, when did “ghetto” ever become an adjective?

    ghetto2

        Somewhere along the lines, I think the real meaning of this word was horribly lost.  See, these people in the picture up there, they weren’t exactly proud to live in these ghettos.  In fact, unless I am mistaken, this time period is often considered one of the darkest times in the world’s history.  But that’s no big deal right?  After all, a person’s ghetto-ness can easily be determined by whether or not their grill is so shiny you have to put on sun block when they open their mouths.  Or even better, by how low their pants sag, never mind the fact that this came from a prison practice used by inmates to ease the process of inevitable butt-rape.  However, I am more than willing to cast all my suspicions of complete ineptitude upon the guilty aside if they could but answer one simple question.
        Why?
        When did this word completely change meaning?  Who decided that it was gonna be the next big thing to substitute the terms “trashy” and “tasteless” with “ghetto”.  But more importantly, why?  Do you really think these people in that picture up there want to be remembered for these reasons?  I would certainly hope not. 

    pimpjew

     

        Until next time, good luck with life.

     

  • Good News! I’m Anorexic!

    Well, everyone, I’m really proud of myself. I went three hours without eating anything.

    I mean, ohmygod, my parents always make food and then I feel guilty saying no, so I eat it and, lyke, then I feel so weak. So fat. So bloated. I feel worthless. I might as well tie a fricking cowbell around my neck and have people call me Bessy.

    Well, here is my diet this week:

    Monday: A pumpernickel bread crumb
    Tuesday: Three grapes and a gummy bear (red)
    Wednesday: Chicken nugget and water, because if I don’t drink over the course of 72 hours, I’ll die
    Thursday: Nothing <3
    Friday: PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE AND PURGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 3332 34 shift+1 8 69 novelle361


    STAY STRONG, GIRLS!

    Here’s some thinspiration for you:

              O
           / |
             |
            /



    Oh yeah. I wanna be like that.

    Fuck Mary-Kate Olsen and Nicole Richie, that stick figure is DEAD SEXY AND GLAMOUROUS.



    My goals:

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