April 1, 2009

• R-R-R-REPOST!!: An Inconvenient Blog

   

      Are you too GREEN with envy over other people’s blogs?
      Is your blog in need of an environmental overhaul?
      Are you ready to really DIG IN to some sound advice?
      Forget all those other tips and tricks that so called hot shot bloggers try to sell you about making it big, those gas-guzzlers aren’t going to know what hit them.
  
      Al Gore recently accepted an invitation I offered him for an interview that I wanted to post on my blog. I admit I have been away for quite some time, but you must understand that arranging the travel and meeting plans with such a figurehead takes time and energy. I finally got the interview that I wanted and I shall post it here for your viewing pleasure.
  
      ME: Your Green-ness it is a great honor to be able to give this interview, thank you very much!
      Gore: The pleasure is mine.
      ME: I have prepared a list of questions here that I was planning on-
      Gore: What?? What? How could you! Never come to an interview with a list of questions prepared anywhere but in your head! I can’t believe this, you could have completely avoided using that sheet of paper.
      ME: You are absolutely correct sir. Anyways, I meant to ask you a few questions about what you think of online blogging since it has become such a craze in the last few years.
      Gore: Ah yes, online blogging, a very interesting topic. I myself, am actually a very avid online blogger, or rather, I enjoy reading them, they aren’t very practical for me since my steam-powered computer requires that I crank it constantly with my left hand, and typing can become quite inconvenient.
      ME: Well, what are your favorite online blogs?
      Gore: Well, there was this one that I was reading yesterday that was completely devoted to replacing cell phones with carrier pidgins. I thought it was the best idea I have heard in years.
      Me: No doubt…
      Gore: Actually, while we’re on the subject of blogging, do you mind if I share with your readers a few of my tips for more efficient blogging?
      Me: (Oh brother) Go right ahead

  
  Al Gore’s Tips on Eco-Blogging

  
  
  1) Never, ever, ever, blog at nighttime, or in the early morning hours. I know that nobody ever does this, and that all blogging generally takes place in the daytime anyways, but unless you plan on buying  a large amount of candles, blogging at night wastes way too much electricity on lighting.
  
  2) Theme your blog with a dark colored or black background. Darker colors saves your computer lots of energy and doesn’t force it to display bright images. Plus, it’s easier on your eyes.
  
  3) If your blog sucks, stop blogging! There is no bigger waste of energy in the blogging world than a crappy blog. Blogging takes up a valuable and limited resource called e-space. Much more practical uses could be found for this space, such as blogs about saving whales.
  
  4) Don’t type too fast. Also known as “revving the keyboard” typing too fast is a waste of precious key-gas and can cost you lots of money, plus all the waste products that it emits can be a further contributor to e-warming.
  
  Me: Wait a minute, did you just say e-warming?
  Gore: You don’t know about e-warming?
  
  Back when I invented the internet, I didn’t foresee a situation that has become a major problem as of late. Back then, we didn’t know what exactly the internet looked like. Not until researchers at the Bar Ilan University came up with an advanced diagram of the internet. Here, I’ll explain to you what you should be looking for:
   
      As you can see, this diagram largely resembles the earth.  The internet is largely made up of dozens of colored dots.  That’s really all it is.  The more toward the center these colored dots are, the more inclined they are to collide with eachother.  This collision creates friction, and as we all know, friction generates heat.

      Me:  So what would happen if the internet gets too hot?
      Gore:  It would blow up, along with every computer connected to it in the world.  This is why we need to focus on designing more internet-efficient computers, and of course, by blogging more efficiently.
      Me:  But isn’t internet warming just a myth? 
      Gore:  Does this look like a myth to you?
  
      Gore: We need to be smart about this.
      Me:  Well, thank you Mr. Gore, and thank you readers.  Don’t forget, until next time, good luck with life!
      (Pan out to slowly reveal entire newsroom while Mr. Gore and I continue to look like we are engaged in an important conversation)
      (Roll closing titles and credits)
  

  • 12:35 pm
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