Friday, 28 March 2008

• To Be A Master:

      Get ready to laugh...

   

      So, I have noticed that the latest fad seems to be to create a post about how other people post (that, and splice "xanga" into every word in the english language).  Lots of behavioral posts are sprining up talking about xangans habbits, and how to whore comments, or cheat at stars, or various ways of getting popular or successful.  Well, I for one am sick of those types of posts.  Please do not expect me to sell out so shamelessly as they have.

      So for today's post, I will give you my own personal reference guide to one of today's post popular games:
  

      You read that right, Xangamon (with a weird 'G').  It is a popular game that is sweeping the internet lately.
      To play this game, you must simply create an account, and then explore the world of xanga and try to get every single member of xanga (collectively referred to as "bloggamons" courtesy silence_of_words) to subscribe to you.  Sometimes, this comes fairly easily, but other times, it can become quite the challenge.  This is why your good friend Eadie has created this guide to help you out on your epic journey to become a xangamon master, and get every bloggamon there is to subscribe to you!

      Chapter 1:  The Statuses (yes, that is spelled correctly):

      Asleep:  The oppossing bloggamon will fall asleep should your post be too boring.  Asleep bloggamons will never subscribe to you no matter how many eProp-a-balls you toss at them.
      Confused:  The oppossing bloggamon may become confused if they don't understand the post you are typing, or if your post is just plain retarded.  Sometimes you can still use an eProp-a-ball if you explain to them within the comment your post in a manner that provides clarification and yet still maintains the entertainment value of the post.
      Burned:  If you insult the oppossing bloggamon within your post, you strongly decrease the chances of them subscribing to you.  Be careful, it is possible to inflict the burn status upon the oppossing bloggamon accidentally.
      Frozen:  Frozen is an advanced form of confusion.  If you completely dumb-fuck the oppossing bloggamon to the point where they will no longer listen to what you say or will simply dispute any claims you have towards the logic of your rambling post.
      Poisoned:  This is done by somehow tricking the oppossing bloggamon into ingesting some form of toxin.  If this happens, the oppossing bloggamon will likely die and you will never see a post or get a comment from them again.
      ROFL'D:  This is a status that works in your favor.  If you can cause the oppossing bloggamon to ROFL, than you have a very good chance at capturing it.
      Genuine Heart-Felt Sympathy'D:  This is another potentially helpful status.  If you convinced the oppossing bloggamon to cry its little heart out, you may have earned yourself a special place in their life and they will remain a strong, loyal, little bloggamon for you forever.
      Agreeing Rage'D:  This is caused when you have convinced the target bloggamon to side with you on a very controversial subject.  The bloggamon will then leave comment attacks or posts vicariously through you, feeding off of your post and will usually contain large amounts of links to your site.  They will also likely click recommend on everything you type.  Causing the oppossing bloggamon to enter this status is very effective because not only will they subscribe to you, they may even serve to lure other unsuspecting bloggamon into your web with them.  Remember as soon as you see their footprints on your site, toss an eProp-a-ball.

     

      Chapter 2: Know Your Attacks:

      Pictures:
      All bloggamons are at least partially weak against decent pictures.  You must be cautious though, high levelled bloggamons that actually have aritistic skill or are decent photographers will not be impressed with lackluster performances.  Make sure that if you use photos or pictures, that you are at or above the level of the bloggamon you are trying to catch.  New and lower levelled bloggamons are EASILY attracted by this style of blogging because it is usually much shorter and easier to read.
      Pictures can however be affective against some bloggamons even if they are higher levelled than you as long as you use clever editing techniques.  I, for example, am quite limitted in my picture editing abilities because I use the attack "microsoft paint" to edit all my pictures.  Higher levelled bloggamons who use the attack "photoshop" and are on higher levels could easily capture me.
      Pictures are also sometimes used as a return attack to block the likelihood of you capturing the opposing bloggamon.  If you recieve a picture such as the following in your email box, than you are quite likely NOT going to capture that particular bloggamon:
  
  

      Humor:
      Humor is another particularly easy way to weaken opposing bloggamons.  Humor when used as a general use attack however, must be particularly dry.  If you attempt to use a form of humor that would more-likely-than-not stir things up, chances are that you will K.O. the oppossing bloggamon before you are able to toss an eProp-a-ball and get them to subscribe to you.  This would either be caused by the humor being too far over their head, or simply too offensive, or just too plain long for them to read in the first place.  Remember, if you make the oppossing bloggamon fall into one of the following status conditions, your eProp-a-ball will be less effective:  Asleep, Confused, Burned, Frozen, or Poisoned.
      This post that I am placing here is a dry form of generally accepted humor.  A quick read through this will not necessarily offend anybody too harshly.  Pile that on with the fact that this is a very common topic that many people can relate with, you have a pretty strong attack that will surely cause most bloggamons to ROFL.

      Other Literature (Prose/Poetry/Interjectory Posts)
      Using other forms of literature on your blog is not terribly effecient when trying to capture low-levelled bloggamons.  Oftentimes, these style of posts will inflict Sleep on the bloggamon and they will not subscribe to you.  However, this is the most effective way (and in some cases only way) to weaken high-levelled bloggamon and ultimately capture them.
      You will notice that only rarely do I attempt to use these forms of attacks (only when I have something very strong I wish to say).  Although you may think to yourself "so, he doesn't really wish to go after the rare and elusive bloggamons", this is not nescessarilly true.  I attempt to create my humor in a manner that is well written and clever enough to sink the hook on even the most legendary bloggamons.

   

      Chapter 3:  Types of Bloggamons:
  
      There are many different types of bloggamons for you to have to worry about.  But here is a quick run-down of the basics.
  
      Photomon:  These types of bloggamon only post or respond to photos.  Photos (and good ones at that) are therebye essential in their capture.
      Videomon:  Similar to photomons only dealing with videos.
      Clone-o-mon:  These bloggamons are useless and devoid of any value whatsoever.
      Funnymon:  These monsters post generally in humor and seek out other funnymon to compete with them and try to be funny.
      Propemon:  These bloggamons have no posts themselves and exist only to comment on other bloggamon's posts.  These bloggamons are ripe for the picking.
      Legendary Bloggamon:  This includes either members of the xangamon team or any other upper-echelon blog monster that will be very difficult to capture.
      Japanese Bloggamon:  These are downright IMPOSSIBLE for any bloggamon master with a QWERTY keyboard to capture.  You can't understand them, and they can't understand you.  Just give up.
      Jamaica-Mon:  I just had to throw that in there.

   

      Chapter 4:  eProp-a-balls:

      eProp-a-balls are given out by going to other bloggamons' pages and commenting and leaving eProps on their posts.  If a bloggamon visits your page and still averts capture, this is often an effective way to still capture them.
  
  Basic eProp-a-ball:  Just visit there page and leave a comment saying "thanks for stopping bye" or "thanks for commenting"
  Great eProp-a-ball:  Leave a comment saying "nice post".  Low levelled bloggamons will think you actually cared.
  Super eProp-a-ball:  Actually read the post and leave a legitimate comment about it.
  Master eProp-a-ball:  Read the post and think for a long time and actually develop a deep and philosophical comment about the post that truly inspires them and requires to search deep within themselves.  This is the only effective form of eProp-a-ball on legendary bloggamonsters.

   

   

   

   

     Well, that's all I got on that topic.

      Until next time, good luck with life.

   

      p.s.  You know this entry was badass, star it up!

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