Tuesday, 18 March 2008

• Paul McCartney is a horrible person:

     

      What a way to further tarnish the Beatle's legacy then to come up with this most recent womanizing effort on Sir Paul McCartney's part.

      Last week, the trial of McCartney's divorce with Heather Mills came to a heartbreaking conclusion.  The final sentence was that the former Beatle would owe Mills 24.3 million pounds ($48.7 million) - less than a fifth of what she was asking for.  To think that Judge Hugh Bennett could be so cruel and heartless to bestow such a paltry sum on Mills after all of the HORRIBLE verbal abuse that she went through isn't just sad, it's completely unhumanitarianified.
      Judge Bennett's pathetic excuse for this heart wrenching sentence was that after Mills sacked her prior lawyers and represented herself was that "Overall, she was a less than impressive witness."  This is how we award out important sums of money these days, based on a person's skill at law?  If I am to murder somebody, am I going to get away with it as long as I condone myself more fashionably then the victim's family?  I would certainly hope this is not the case.
      McCartney is getting away with something awful here.  Perhaps a followup trial will suggest evidence that the knight was tipping off the judge to weaken the sentence.  He should at least consider their 4-year old daughter Beatrice to whom Paul is only going to pay $70,000 a year!  That's it, only 70,000.  How pathetic could McCartney get?  I mean, here in the U.S.A. we have doctors and lawyers who get paid more than that, so you're going to tell me that the trauma that you put your daughter through isn't worth at least a little more?  Sure, you have also agreed to pay for the daughter's schooling and nanny in addition to the seventyfold dollar salary, but that's common sense stuff anyways.  We all know that the daughter has to have a nanny while her mother is out doing important stuff like visiting the spa or getting her nails done, so you would have been satan himself to not agree to pay for that.  But you can do better than 70,000 Paul!
      On the flip side, let's consider how generous Mills has been about this whole case.  After firing her pathetic and evil lawyer Fiona Shackleton (Prince Charles' lawyer during his divorce from Princess Diana), who then became Paul's attorney in this same case, Mills went on to represent herself and saved an alleged $1.2 million.  This money Mills is quoted as saying is money "which could quite easily go to charity."  Isn't Mills such a great person?  Even in the midst of all this tragedy she is currently enduring, she has the heart to think about those less well-off then herself.
      For those of you who are unaware, McCartney is the one who originally filed for divorce after "unreasonable behavior" by Mills.  Paul's older daughter, Stella McCartney was remembered saying before the wedding began that she questioned Mills' motives for the marriage and that McCartney should have signed a prenuptial agreement before the marriage.  Based on this however, we can conclude that Stella was working with Paul to ensure that should Mills no longer be able to contend with the former Beatle's womanizing and wish for a divorce, that Paul would have to fork over even less.

      It is a cruel, cruel, world that we have apparently come to.  Maybe someday, people will understand that money really is everything, and we can look back on the tragedy befalling us here, as Heather Mills in currently being robbed, as but a stepping stone on a way to a perfect world full of endless lawsuits and money grubbers and gold-diggers.  Our hearts go out to you Heather Mills and daughter Beatrice.  We are not sure how the two of you will survive on such meager rations, but you will be in our thoughts and prayers.

    

   </satire>

   ~until next time, good luck with life.

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